was it the blue night, gone fragile? | dexterdessen's Blog

 i am running on 2-3 hours of sleep.

red bull and natural energy go a long way.

i don't remember what it feels like to feel.

i haven't felt anything real in a while.

is there anything real to feel?

i'm over dramatic and stupid.

it's not enough.

just to thrive.

just to emulate.

i want it to be truth.

i want it to be wonderful.

i'm not happy.

i'm not happy with myself.

with my friends.

my scholastic situation.

my home.

my family.

nothing is working.

i'm not working.

i have a song on repeat.

it's played 57 times in this one sitting.

something is not right.

she threw me away.

i was nothing to her.

i am nothing to her.

nothing to her.

she is nothing to me.

CHEERS DARLIN'

fuck you.

complicated, messy.

i am suppose to be over it.

for the most part i am.

if i allow myself to be.

to heal.

to feel.

i am expendable to everyone.

i am something someone can live without.

i am easily given up.

it hurts to be chewable gum.

frosty and hot.

i am not what i am.

i am NOT what i am.

i am a liar.

a deceiver.

do not believe me when i speak.

to heal.

to feel.

im on my way to feel.

to heal.

tell me where i would go??

to feel?

to heal?